“How can you be so calm?” “If I were you, I’d lose it.” This flavor of comment are my life-long companions. Maybe because Canadian. Maybe religious upbringing. Maybe a rational nature. Or maybe entirely a laughably inconsistent protective exoskeleton construction.
“Doctor Banner, now might be a good time for you to get angry.”
“That’s my secret, Captain: I’m always angry.”
Steve Rogers and Bruce Banner, Avengers
Or maybe you see me better than some, or the other side of me has been revealed to you. “Why are you so angry?” “What happened to you?”
Hint – it’s not cancer. Never that.
“I gotta hold on to my angst. I preserve it because I need it. It keeps me sharp, on the edge, where I gotta be.”
Vincent Hanna (Al Pacino), Heat
Contentment is the key to happiness, or so they say. But that which I would keep from the life I’ve lived is directly attributable to relentless discontent. Discontent is hunger. Discontent is drive. Discontent is motivation.
I envy the content / ignorant / happy, while I simultaneously loathe them with saturating contempt. I would trade in a heartbeat. I would never ever trade.
I have the wisdom and courage. I have not the serenity or acceptance, dear simple prayer.
This song is one I turn to often. (Lyrics possibly not safe for work… depending almost entirely on where you work. Why are you not wearing headphones, you animal?)
Your mere existence probably causes me pain. Thank you for being here.